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Tap Into the Power of Directness: Use "I"

Posted on August 15, 2019

Living with spondylitis can mean having limited energy, time, and bandwidth. You may find yourself needing to say "no" more often than you did before you developed inflammatory arthritis. Do you have a tough time being direct with others about how you feel? It's not unusual to feel awkward or self-centered when turning down a request or an invitation. You may feel at the mercy of the other person's need.

Using "I" statements can help put you back in the driver's seat of the situation. An "I" statement directly communicates your feelings and sets a clear boundary, allowing you to focus on treating your spondylitis and managing spondylitis-related symptoms like back or neck pain.
For instance:

I don't feel like going.
I'd rather do something else instead.
I can't do it this week.
Whenever I attend that event, it takes me days to recover.


At first, you may feel vulnerable about using direct "I" statements when saying no. Your true feelings are exposed, and you may be judged for using spondylitis as an excuse. "I" statements can also be freeing! You don't need to pretend or tell a white lie. It's ok to communicate directly about what you need.

Using an "I" statement is a way of taking responsibility for your feelings. You are not blaming or accusing the other person. You are being honest about your needs and making sure they are recognized.

Members of MySpondylitisTeam shared some of their experiences with communicating directly:

"I told him it hurt me."

"I get so afraid of being judged for the medications I take."

"Today I said to him, 'I cannot have you in my home or in my life. You're taking risks that impact me because you don't take care of yourself.'"

Have you used "I" statements to set boundaries? How did it feel?
Share your stories about direct communication in the comments below or on MySpondylitisTeam.

A MySpondylitisTeam Member said:

Thanks for this. I know I need to stand up for my needs more often but I have already been accused of being selfish and uncaring for not showing up for family events. I really don't feel like going… read more

edited, originally posted 15 days ago

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