It has taught me that people can't help and doctors don't give a damn

God never gives us more than we can stand. I wake up each day early, sleep is hard to find, and grab some coffee and talk to God. I ask him to take my pain and allow me the best day possible and let it go...I don't dwell on it and I've found I can "have an ok day". It's not amazing but living is better than existing. At night I pray and thank God for another day and I am grateful. I no longer take the monoclonal hamster manufactured rheumatoid drugs, the side effects are worse than the disease, I'm fortunate enough to get morphine for 10 years, and I can be a husband, dad, grandfather, son, brother and coach. I don't get away much, but I own my disease and I'm ok. Im grateful for this website to share and hear from others, maybe learn a new "trick". Have a wonderful day, we're not alone.

Humility has to be the biggest lesson learned for me. Where once I could bulldog ahead, rush to and through accomplishments, now I limp. My body has shown me I must be thankful for small wins: a good day with my grands, a massage that gave me a reprieve, a night I only woke once. Patience is still hard won for me, yet I think the two are similar. I have had to learn to be dependent on others for doing some things for me which taught me to be grateful instead of resentful. God has brought me closer to Him through my frailty. Thanks Pitac, for encouraging this introspection.

After years of being a diagnostic unicorn for every new doctor i would visit and a pin cushion for every pain doctor who tried to help, i have accepted to live one day. one minute, one second at a time. I have learned to smile and shrug off as much as i can. On my good days i am actively trying to help those around me who are suffering from long term exposure to radioactive waste (Manhattan Project). So many with cancer, autoimmune diseases. So many deaths from those conditions. They give me courage to pick myself up and keep pushing.

After years of beating myself up and dealing with a lack of pride or self worth, I've learned to love myself and accept what I can't control. This is just how it is and it's ok.
A day at a time, with no set mandatory goals, just do what is possible and let God have the rest. I'm ok with that.